Coming "home"
We are preparing to come home for the delivery of baby #2! What a joy and WHAT A STRESS! It is so interesting to watch my heart change and see all these unexpected changes occur. All the other times in my life, returning from an international location to the US what exciting and full of a sense of familiarity, after a time and season of distance and unfamiliarity… NOT SO THIS TIME.
And it is even more complicated because we are still in transition. We are still in temporary housing. Our belongings are not in drawers, because we have none (we are living in someone else’s house). The house we will live in is still not complete (now 5 months late) but should hopefully have a dry room for us to store our belongings in during the rainy season while we are away. Ultimately, I cannot tell if we are leaving home or going home. Where is our home? What is most familiar?
This is even more complicated because Adam and I have started many new projects at the hospital and developed many new relationships. It is difficult to be starting something, and in the beginning of it, to walk away for 3-4 months. It is difficult to tie up all the loose ends before we leave… because there are a lot, in order to have these projects continue in our absence.
Earlier this week I was feeling so overwhelmed by it all. Today, I was in our women’s bible study as we sat down to study 1 Peter and the Lord encouraged me that this is hard, but we are meant to be strangers in this world. And that at times, there will be suffering, but that is ok, because even though it is difficult, he will always be faithful and we should rejoice because through this process we are being purified. As a child of divorced parents, I always, always, always desired for one home, for consistency and for a feeling of permanence. I never really saw this as a bad thing, just a part of my personality and the result of my childhood experiences. The Lord had encouraged me and challenged me this week… maybe a sense of consistency and permanence should not be my goal in life or where I feel most comfortable. Perhaps, this process has refined my heart and my mind to desire more of the Lord and to always be Kingdom focused, because that is where our true permanence lies. Heaven is where our true sense of identity and home NEEDS to be, not here. And in this “homeless” state that our family walks, this fosters a greater desire for our true home! Thank you Lord for that reminder, despite the difficulty of it all.
And it is even more complicated because we are still in transition. We are still in temporary housing. Our belongings are not in drawers, because we have none (we are living in someone else’s house). The house we will live in is still not complete (now 5 months late) but should hopefully have a dry room for us to store our belongings in during the rainy season while we are away. Ultimately, I cannot tell if we are leaving home or going home. Where is our home? What is most familiar?
This is even more complicated because Adam and I have started many new projects at the hospital and developed many new relationships. It is difficult to be starting something, and in the beginning of it, to walk away for 3-4 months. It is difficult to tie up all the loose ends before we leave… because there are a lot, in order to have these projects continue in our absence.
Earlier this week I was feeling so overwhelmed by it all. Today, I was in our women’s bible study as we sat down to study 1 Peter and the Lord encouraged me that this is hard, but we are meant to be strangers in this world. And that at times, there will be suffering, but that is ok, because even though it is difficult, he will always be faithful and we should rejoice because through this process we are being purified. As a child of divorced parents, I always, always, always desired for one home, for consistency and for a feeling of permanence. I never really saw this as a bad thing, just a part of my personality and the result of my childhood experiences. The Lord had encouraged me and challenged me this week… maybe a sense of consistency and permanence should not be my goal in life or where I feel most comfortable. Perhaps, this process has refined my heart and my mind to desire more of the Lord and to always be Kingdom focused, because that is where our true permanence lies. Heaven is where our true sense of identity and home NEEDS to be, not here. And in this “homeless” state that our family walks, this fosters a greater desire for our true home! Thank you Lord for that reminder, despite the difficulty of it all.
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